Lobster Stuffed With Tacos

Warning: Contains Science Fiction. Don Gloves and Masks.

Archive for the category “Humor”

Everyday It’s Something (Today It’s National Chocolate Cake Day)

Advertisements

Science Calls It A Day

image

Just Have The Damn Cheeseburger

You pace silently

But you don’t touch milk—

“I lick this ice cream its mine!”

Your ears perk and pan

But don’t hear when called—

“Can has opened, is mine now!”

You sleep all day

but when I’m tired—

“Kneed you wake, play now, it’s night!”

First Drafts Are Awesome

I made some banana bread,

The geese was white as snow.

I long to find myself a bed,

Those lamps aren’t sold here, you bastard.

 

 

Tweet from Darth Vader (@DepressedDarth)

Happy 4th of July

If it’s not science fiction enough for you then just imagine the red filling of the pie is, uh–Klingon blood? I don’t know…

Science ‘Splains Stuff

1009886_675475072469980_490020158_n

“Okay, so what you want to do is this: You want to attack at the most vulnerable spot. Come at it from this angle and locate the automatic flip-flop override device here, which in turn will defuse the antigyroscopic preinterface thruster chamber, and the pneumatic centripetal antigravity shield deflectors, then you simply deactivate the axial gyro-presubinertia-photomegatronic oscillator that you see here.

Now…have you understood all this? Oh I see. It’s this bandage on my hand that troubles you? Well, I recently bought a cat, and it scratched me. What I didn’t know at the time is that the cat was used in a laboratory for the testing of radioactive isoptopes and other doo-whackees. Because of this, my DNA and that of the cat’s have combined. And no. I do not have special superhuman powers. That would be truly fantastic. What’s actually happening to me is what we in the scientific community refer to as a slow rotting death. No ability to jump and run with amazing dexterity and speed. Not even the flexibility to lick nearly every square inch of my own body. No. I am simply dying. Tumors mostly. Bleeding from the rectum. So…are there any questions–about the transduction I illuminated on earlier, and not about the rectal bleeding? Very well then. Get to your ships. And may the Force be with you.”

Knock, Knock.

image

Ye Dare Ask Me the Name of My Sword, Knave?

image

“Where is my Fluffy Bunny! It has a skull on the hilt…bone engraved on the sides…has a snake that runs down–

Why do you all laugh? What is funny that causes you to titter so? Answer me now as to the whereabouts of my Fluffy Bunny, or I will spill out your guts with– Stop laughing I command you!”

— Vladrake the Awful

Back to the Mothership! Now!

Either that or they are headed for the major cities of the world for the 4th of July weekend.

jd clarke author

mothership

View original post

Post Navigation

%d bloggers like this: