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A Hero's Journey Through Science Fiction

Archive for the category “Humor”

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Happy 4th of July

If it’s not science fiction enough for you then just imagine the red filling of the pie is, uh–Klingon blood? I don’t know…

Science ‘Splains Stuff

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“Okay, so what you want to do is this: You want to attack at the most vulnerable spot. Come at it from this angle and locate the automatic flip-flop override device here, which in turn will defuse the antigyroscopic preinterface thruster chamber, and the pneumatic centripetal antigravity shield deflectors, then you simply deactivate the axial gyro-presubinertia-photomegatronic oscillator that you see here.

Now…have you understood all this? Oh I see. It’s this bandage on my hand that troubles you? Well, I recently bought a cat, and it scratched me. What I didn’t know at the time is that the cat was used in a laboratory for the testing of radioactive isoptopes and other doo-whackees. Because of this, my DNA and that of the cat’s have combined. And no. I do not have special superhuman powers. That would be truly fantastic. What’s actually happening to me is what we in the scientific community refer to as a slow rotting death. No ability to jump and run with amazing dexterity and speed. Not even the flexibility to lick nearly every square inch of my own body. No. I am simply dying. Tumors mostly. Bleeding from the rectum. So…are there any questions–about the transduction I illuminated on earlier, and not about the rectal bleeding? Very well then. Get to your ships. And may the Force be with you.”

Knock, Knock.

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Ye Dare Ask Me the Name of My Sword, Knave?

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“Where is my Fluffy Bunny! It has a skull on the hilt…bone engraved on the sides…has a snake that runs down–

Why do you all laugh? What is funny that causes you to titter so? Answer me now as to the whereabouts of my Fluffy Bunny, or I will spill out your guts with– Stop laughing I command you!”

— Vladrake the Awful

Back to the Mothership! Now!

Either that or they are headed for the major cities of the world for the 4th of July weekend.

jd clarke author

mothership

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Stone Trek: The Deadly Ears

“The highly-unlikely adventures of the crew of the U.S.S. Magnetize. This Flash series was created by cartoon artist Brian Matthews out of his love for The Flintstones and Star Trek. What started out as a series of humorous panels developed into a Flash Animation series that just seems to have a life of it’s own. It stars the considerable voice talents of Wally Fields as all the characters on the show.” — Starland.com, sci-fi website that hosts two episodes of the three part series.

The (10) Best Episodes of Futurama

2acv17 - War Is the H-Word 1024x768As the remaining 13 episodes of this stellar animation series debuts Wednesday at 10 pm on Comedy Central, I would be remiss if I didn’t bring back to your attention 2011’s phenomenal list of The 10 Best Futurama Episodes from one of my fave-rave sites, io9.

Below Alasdair Wilkins highlights my favorite episode War is the H-Word:

“There was no way I could put together a list of the ten best Futurama episodes without a Zapp Brannigan episode, and this might just represent the space captain described as “40% Kirk, 60% Shatner” at his psychotic best. Fry and Bender join the army to get a 5% discount on ham-flavored gum, which turns out to be a very bad move when Earth immediately declares war on Spheron I. Zapp proudly declares the planet is devoid of any natural resources or strategic value and that they know absolutely nothing about who they will be fighting, but the enemy did tell him that we look like dorks. While Fry struggles with his cowardice, Zapp is forced to confront his apparent attraction to macho new recruit Lee Lemon, who may or may not be a barely disguised Leela (of course it is). The episode also features tons of great riffs on the episode’s obvious inspiration Starship Troopers, a brilliantM*A*S*H parody complete with robotic Alan Alda, Fry being forced to serve as assistant to a surprisingly tyrannical Kif, the list of Bender’s ten favorite words, the world’s most epic collection of ball-related double entendres, and the one thing all the kids were clamoring for: a Henry Kissinger cameo.”

Happy Father’s Day…Darth Vader

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What if Darth Vader were a good father? Click on the pictures to enjoy the full gallery by Jeffrey Brown.

Hunchdra Loi Bluukorp

Subject: Star Wars names (fwd)
Date: Fri, 1 Oct 1999 10:40:24 -0700 (PDT) 

How to determine your "Star Wars" name:

For your new first name:

1. Take the first 3 letters of your 1st name and add
2. the first 2 letters of your last name

For your new last name:

3. Then take the first 2 letters of your Mom's maiden name and add
4. the first 3 letters of the city you were born

How to determine your Star Wars honorific name and title:

1. take the last three letters of your last name and reverse them.
2. add the name of the first car you drove/owned
3. insert the word "of"
4. tack on the name of the last medication you took.

Have fun,

Glagu Goman,
Otndatsun of Aleve

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