Lobster Stuffed With Tacos

Warning: Contains Science Fiction. Don Gloves and Masks.

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Soylent Corp. Press Release (May 31, 2020)

Proud Sponsor of the 2024 Olympic Winter Games in Dubai, UAE

“Although we at Soylent do not have a long association with the Olympics, we do have deep roots in the celebration of global competition, which is the core value of the Olympic spirit. This allows us at Soylent to build deeper relationships with people and with the nations, whose very lives are sustained by our many protein food products.

As Dubai provides the world’s most complex and leading high-tech artifices of winter sports during this on-going global drought, we at Soylent are providing struggling nations the sustainability of life and prosperity through our new plankton based food product: Soylent Green. Through our sponsorship of Dubai 2022 we pledge to provide this same quality of care for the nutrition of our athletes as we strive for the restitution of our planet’s ecosystems.”

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Did Any of This Help?

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Great-grandpa would have spat tobacco on the floor. Then…he would have cursed this like a sailor.

Fishing-SimulatorGrandpa would have just shook his head. Then…he would have cursed this like a sailor.

Dad would have just laughed…

…Then Dad would have turned off the cartoons and showed me how it’s done. Kick yourself and the kids off the couch and go outside before the summer is over.

Toy Story. (But Not The Movie. A Story About A Toy…Story.)

“It also seems to me that he was a pretty sophisticated toy for a pre-digital age, since he exhibited “behavior” of a sort, and responded to stimuli—or to one stimulus, I should say, and only if you actually hit him at the right spot on the tail. (And never, not once, did I ever make the dart actually stick to his tail, the way that kid did in the commercial.) But soon enough, entropy began to encroach upon the mighty Zor—just as it did on the real dinosaurs—as the ping pong balls went missing or got dinged up so that they wouldn’t fire or (in one case) got accidentally crushed underfoot in the heat of battle. And then his roar gave out, and he began to lurch more like a raucous drunk than a murderous carnivore, and finally his motor fried itself, and the light went out of Zor’s eyes forever. Well, to be honest, he never had a light in his eyes, but you know what I mean. I kept playing with the gun, though, even after the spring inside broke and it wouldn’t fire darts anymore, because it was so cool looking. (Hey, I was eight, alright?) I can still remember the feel of the grip in my hand.

The noble thing to do when he died would have been to bury him in the backyard, so that he could either join with the elements, or fossilize like his brethren and intrigue future paleontologists. I can’t actually remember what happened to him, but it’s possible he’s still in the attic of my parents’ house, along with the broken gun and three and a half ping pong balls, still waiting for me, still fighting mad.” — James Hynes, Cultwriter

Hoth & Spicy, please…

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Enjoy the entire gallery by clicking on the bag.

Vintage Ads for an Alternate Timeline

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The Next Independence Day? (New Pacific Rim Trailer)

The Hero’s Journey of Wolverine

Time to bring him on home. Let it be glorious.

U.S. Release Trailer: “Desolation of Smaug”

International Trailer: “Desolation of Smaug”

The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug Trailer!!! (Update Soon)

Okay, well, maybe it started off as a debut of the new Hobbit trailer. But then General Zod had other plans. Not a big Hobbit fan that Zod-Meister is…

We’ll go again later. Stay tuned.

UPDATE:

Trailer debutes @ 10:00 am PDT

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