Lobster Stuffed With Tacos

Warning: Contains Science Fiction. Don Gloves and Masks.

Science ‘Splains Stuff


“Okay, so what you want to do is this: You want to attack at the most vulnerable spot. Come at it from this angle and locate the automatic flip-flop override device here, which in turn will defuse the antigyroscopic preinterface thruster chamber, and the pneumatic centripetal antigravity shield deflectors, then you simply deactivate the axial gyro-presubinertia-photomegatronic oscillator that you see here.

Now…have you understood all this? Oh I see. It’s this bandage on my hand that troubles you? Well, I recently bought a cat, and it scratched me. What I didn’t know at the time is that the cat was used in a laboratory for the testing of radioactive isoptopes and other doo-whackees. Because of this, my DNA and that of the cat’s have combined. And no. I do not have special superhuman powers. That would be truly fantastic. What’s actually happening to me is what we in the scientific community refer to as a slow rotting death. No ability to jump and run with amazing dexterity and speed. Not even the flexibility to lick nearly every square inch of my own body. No. I am simply dying. Tumors mostly. Bleeding from the rectum. So…are there any questions–about the transduction I illuminated on earlier, and not about the rectal bleeding? Very well then. Get to your ships. And may the Force be with you.”

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