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A Hero's Journey Through Science Fiction

Celebrity News (in the Future): B-Flyz

(HuffPo) — Rapper B-Flyz made news two years ago when the creature, who helped redefine bluegrass rap and jazz metal tap-dance, turned supervillain and pulled one of Saturn’s moons out of orbit. (Okay, it was only by a few kilometers, but still!) Today, trial begins for the rapper who was charged with vandalizing the San Andreas fault line, a crime the rapper has vehemently denied. Before you tune up the HyperCrime Channel in 3-D and kick back for a marathon of courtroom drama, enjoy a look back at the highlights of B-Flyz antics and accomplishments (mostly antics):

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Not just an electron microscope image of Milferd Tillman, a bluebottle fly larva. This is Milferd Tillman aka B-Flyz, decked out in his trademark hoodie that so terrified white people.

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After B-Flyz’s CD “Bitches Be Food” went mega-ultra-cotonga platinum, Flyz “suddenly went all that and started it up with the Hos.” Here B-Flyz and Madonna’s great-granddaughter vogue it up outside Hollywood’s Bootsy Bellows, before it was set on fire by Lindsay Lohan’s third clone.

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Following the box office failure of “Star Wars: Episode XX”, in which he played the vile gangster Budda Gravee, movie offers in America for Flyz dried up. B-Flyz later went to Italy, like his hero, termite rapper Klint Eatswood, to assume his next role, the title of which proved prophetic.

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B-Flyz and his wife, Queen Bloore of Spain II: Bigger Than Portugal, before his erratic behavior brought shame upon her people and engulfed the Iberian peninsula in war.

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B-Flyz attending the Creature’s Choice Awards. Taken after the Nokia Theater slid into the ocean after the big quake.

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B-Flyz at Disney’s StarWarsLand with his daughter from a relationship with actress-model-software engineer-rap artist Kun-Foo Pandalicious.

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Rapper Yo Gee Buckethead, friend of B-Flyz. His trademark trashcan was actually stuck on his head after the rapper dove for the remnants of a donut box littered in chocolate and jelly glaze. Buckethead was gunned down outside a Hollywood nightclub by rapper Ran-Jur-Syth.

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GOP psychologist Rorey Marklus attempts to explain to morning show Fox & Friends the erratic behavior of B-Flyz, who had just stolen candy from a baby.

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Sum Yung Ill, victim of B-Flyz’s candy-stealing rage. Scarred for life, he later conquered Europa and enslaved her inhabitants with his terrifying reign of peace and prosperity.

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B-Flyz having a tiz with the posse of rapper Q-Tips outside the Creature’s Choice Awards. “He brought the bang that evening, and then some,” said robot-actor Django Betts.

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